Oh I seriously don't know!!!

Gabriel is almost 19 months and this past week I have been feeling like a crappy wife and mother. I truly feel like I am letting too much outside stuff affect how I am raising Gabriel and the way I am as a wife. My goal today was to workout, mop, and put laundry away. I did one of these things - workout!!! WOOHOO Day one of Jillian was tough but it felt great!

Then I look at my dirty floors or the laundry that is piled up on the kitchen floor and in the laundry baskets (everyone has their own basket to help separate the clothes), and just feel like I suck as I wife/mother. When Gabriel was born Nathan and I were beyond blessed with such a happy, easy, loving baby. I was rested (yes I slept for 3-4 hours, nursed/bottled, napped, and even read books), cooked meals every night (after the first 3 months of getting used to being a new mom), and this house was SPOTLESS!!!!!

Now jump to 18 months later and I am lucky if my husband has a cooked meal ready for him and the toys at least shoved into a corner. Nathan tells me all the time he loves, respects, and appreciates me, but I don't feel it for myself. I also seriously don't understand how in the beginning I had all this energy and ran a fabulous home and now....I feel like the walls are closing in on me with all the mess.

Something has to give or change and it has to happen ASAP!!!! So I have promised myself by the end of Sunday the floors (kitchen and bathrooms) will be swept and mopped. All laundry will be put away into drawers or hung in the closet. Then next week, I am grabbing trash bags and throwing out the junk that I haven't touched in 6 months - donated or being tossed....either way I can't continue like this. I am disappointed in myself.

**Side note** I shouldn't be hard on myself for today because today Gabriel was in the mood to dance, play, read, and hang with his momma. So for days like these I am okay with not doing housework or cooking a meal because I know my fabulous son will not want to hang with his mom forever. It is those days when Gabe is playing by himself and I am sitting on the couch doing nothing that get to me.