Friday, August 27, 2010

What Kind of Person are YOU????

Tough question right?!?!  See this is the question that I have been asking myself for the past two weeks.  I woke up one morning and just had enough.  Enough of drama, negativity, lack of understanding, lack of communication, and so much more.  Most importantly, not liking who I see in the mirror.  This has started a honest two week period of self reflection.......

I am a rip the band-aid off fast and let the healing begin.  Tell you straight - not to hurt your feelings but the sole belief in I hate lying.  Will do everything in my power to help a family or friend, and so much more.  I woke up and realized that who I am has been slipping away from me and I wanted myself back.  I started looking at my marriage, my mothering skills, my friends, my own goals, and realized some sad stuff. 

Realized that my marriage was hurting because I was putting friends first, lack of communication, and major lack of romance.  Mothering my child with some annoyance, short fuse, and not being more hands on and creative with our son that I have high hopes and dreams to be.

Looking at my friends and realizing that it was mainly me calling people or texting all the time to just talk, wishing them a great morning/day, making plans to do things, or sadly enough, I was being sucked into their negative beliefs, life styles, bashing, and gossiping.  *Side note yes everyone needs to vent about things in their life but to be on a path where all you do is bash, gossip, or only see the negative, I just don't get it or approve of it.  Yet I was joining right along this path - no one to blame but myself*

Feeling like my passion for life was gone.  As in the candle burned out and my passion was in total darkness.

So after seeing these things, acknowledging them, and telling myself no more, here is what I have been doing:
1 - I stopped texting and/or calling family/friends.  This surprised me the most because within the past two weeks man my phone has been quiet!!  Why?!?  My husband pointed out that before I would even get out of bed in the morning I was texting my friends to wish them a fabulous day or letting them know I was thinking of them, etc.  He then asked how many of my friends did that for me.  I read somewhere that if it is you who is always calling or texting to talk or make plans, maybe that is a sign your friends are trying to tell had me thinking. 

Now I had a couple of people that wouldn't accept the silence from me.  They started texting me first or calling me to check in.  Letting me know they understand why I am trying to to "center" my life.  They told me they love me for who I am and take as much time as I need to right myself, my marriage, and family.  They were not going anywhere.  Other friends thought it was about them and wanted to know why I was ignoring them or being rude by not calling or texting them like I normally do.   I tried to explain that it had nothing to do with them and this was for me.  However, it still hurt when they couldn't wrap their head around that I, Rachel, am not in a place where I am happy with who I am. 

2 - I am laying low on FB and stopped checking my emails all the time.  FB and Emails can be great.  Fabulous to keep in contact with family/friends hundreds of miles away or seeing pictures of your nieces and nephews growing up.  However, it can be a bad thing when you read depressing, negative, or attention seeking status updates, over and over again.  So I have started hiding people so I don't see their daily drama and you know, it works.  *Of course everyone has some sort of drama or need a place to vent, to feel like you are not alone in the world, but when you have post after post of said status updates, I just don't want to be part of it.  It is not healthy*

3 - I am baking and cooking more.  Signed up for a cake decorating class and set up sitters so I can go to said cake class.  Trying out many new recipes and hearing the wonderful words "Babe this is good!"  Watching my husband and son eat what I cook and like/love it, brings me such great joy!

4 - Reading more.  Still thinking about the electronic book readers.  I am not ready to commit. 

5 - Revamping my Life's Bucket List.  Traveling is in my blood, dreams, and Internet searches.  One day I will get around to posting my Bucket List.  I believe in making a Bucket List so you are not letting life pass you by!

6 - Being the wife that my husband needs and wants of me.  Being the mother I want to be and that our son needs!

7 - Working OUT!!  I have turned into a lazy person about my figure/health and I just had enough.  I needed a personal trainer to keep me motivated but had no money for a trainer.  Instead I found a friend to not let me slack. 

8 - Praying  Yep that one word says it all for me

So where do I go from here?  Making the promise to not let myself get into a negative world wind that affects my self happiness, love, and marriage is a start.  Will it be easy not always.  Am I all self-righteous  Do I expect all my family and friends to and that is okay.  I know the ones who see the goodness in me will understand and will want to help strength that goodness.  Everyone has to face their own mirror at some point in their life.  I have a feeling many don't/won't understand because they are not brave enough to look in the mirror them selves.  This I too understand because it is scary.  You just may not like what you see.  I know I didn't. 

However, I am liking what I slowly see in the mirror more and more everyday.  Especially the love I am experiencing (again) in my marriage, the peace I feel within myself, and the joy I know I am teaching my son.

I truly believe with all my heart that God will continue to guide me.  I know He will let me know when I am slipping off the path He has chosen for me.  Especially now for once in my life, I am truly listening for His words that he speaks to me daily.  Lastly, I give my thanks to God for giving me a healthy family while many people in this world are truly suffering - cancer, death of a parent, child fighting for his/her life in the NICU, loved one just killed in the war, and many more things.

So, I say to you What Kind of Person are You?  Do you like what you see in the mirror?  No, then change it!  We are only given one life so why not make it the best it can be? 

1 comment:

  1. Good for you, Rachel. One thing I hate about Facebook status is, I sometimes find myself getting jealous or envious of what other people have/or doing (family vacations, date nights, children who sleep through the night, etc). I really could do with a little less Facebook. I have to agree with the goal Caroline told us at our Steering Team meeting... turn virtually reality into face-to-face interaction. I would much rather spend time with someone in person than on the computer. Anyway, thanks for making valid points in your blog, because it definitely made me stop and think about the person I have become.


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